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carlton on elephant


During the past many years, I have traveled to various parts of the globe and have seen first hand the devastating effects HIV has had on many different kinds of people in many diverse communities. I have spent significant time in South Africa, Russia, Hungary, France, Guatemala, Peru, Zimbabwe, Uzbekistan, Azerbaijan, Georgia,UK, Mexico,Tahiti, San Francisco, Portland, Queens, Manhattan, and the South Bronx.

Understanding the implications of my sero-status has been a profound learning experience. HIV pushed my buttons and helped me appreciate the power of vulnerability, specifically my own and of those less privileged. Living in NYC and experiencing personally how terribly demoralized living with HIV can make one feel, and how disproportionally the disease impacts people of color and homeless youth, I found it deeply sobering. For a number of months I worked with homeless youth in the South Bronx. My soul ached for answers and resources in a community where HIV is at levels found only in developing nations.

Being connected to a global experience of stigma and marginalization has been a challenge yet it serves to connect me to a shared  reality that goes beyond national boundaries, ethnic identities, sexual orientation, class, gender, race, and creed.  

For a few years I helped administer a program focusing on human rights where 40 South African students and 40 American students were brought together in Cape Town to explore issues, one of them being HIV and human rights. It was during this time, I discovered I was HIV positive. In fact, I found out my status only a short time before having to go from New York to South Africa to run the program and consequently had my first HIV support meeting with strangers at  an LGBTQ focused NGO in Cape Town.

It was surreal to go from running my academic program in one part of the city to my HIV support group across town. As you can imagine I was the only American in my support group and it was not easy. I was not taking medication at that time, so my sense of being limited by HIV laws for travelers was not at the peak of my awareness. Now that I do take meds, I am painfully aware of my potential vulnerability to border guards and immigration officials. I have wondered what these meds, and unfair laws, might due to block my aspirations of being a global nomad. It is an ongoing process of education as rights keep shifting.

Today, I  work in international higher education in, and most recently was living in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I have managed study abroad/international programs in New York, and previous to that worked with Cross-Cultural Solutions (CCS) a wonderful international volunteer sending organization. It was while working at CCS, and in a doctor's waiting room reading POZ magazine, that I first I learned about Jeremiah Johnson's negative experience as a volunteer for the Peace Corps. Jeremiah had tested positive abroad during his assignment and was abruptly sent home from his post. I was incensed and disappointed by the actions of the Peace Corps. Jeremiah successfully sued the Peace Corps for discrimination through the American Civil Liberties Union and won his case.

Through the support and generosity of CCS's founder, Steve Rosenthal, we helped arrange for Jeremiah to continue his service journey experience to Peru, where I had previously served. As I advocated for Jeremiah, I came out as HIV positive in a more public way, myself.  Jeremiah was a great example to me as he learned to accept his diagnosis and his public notoriety. He did not plan to be a certain kind of change agent, yet his actions  helped change come about anyway.  

In November 2009 I was the moderator/chair of a panel in Washington DC during the Building Bridges Coalition / Brookings Institution's Conference exploring issues of diversity and inclusion for international volunteer organizations. On the panel were deaf volunteers, visually impaired volunteers, volunteers of color, people with mobility challenges, and those who represented marginalized economic groups. When I was asked why I was part of the group, I chose at that moment to disclose my status.

Announcing to a room full of people that you are the face of HIV was something I was not ready to do a few years ago. The experience was intimidating, but empowering. In that moment, the fear of the reactions from others was real, but my fear of being silent was greater. So I made the decision to become visible. I wanted to emphasize the point that the modern face of HIV is like mine, ready, willing, and able to serve with few accommodation needs. In fact, my unique situation if leveraged correctly could potentially make me more relevant as a volunteer working with others affected by HIV.

I ask, how visible are HIV positive international volunteers? How do people living with HIV learn that they can have an impact like the thousands of other volunteers the US sends abroad? How do the issues of inclusion and visibility demonstrate the true diversity and power of American soft diplomacy?

The absence of visible HIV+ people in the field has been deeply troubling to me and informed by my own experiences being discouraged, overtly ignored, or blocked by some service NGO's and government agencies. I believe it is time to fight stigma through soft diplomacy and international volunteer service by presenting an alternative image of HIV+ people.
 
What I am trying to do has never been done, and is daring, not only in the field of international service, but for those of us living with HIV who have been economically, socially, and politically marginalized.  I am hoping that my organization will increase the chance for people living with HIV to be seen as caregivers, not receivers, and highlight their unique ability to contribute to the world because of their HIV experiences, not in spite of them.
 
Emotionally, there is also a great deal of risk for those of us who have been effectively quarantined or too scared to travel even after our health has stabilized. Our need to reconnect to our our individual and global futures is great, and finding a way to do this which inspires others, builds a community of care in action, and helps define the path of the next wave of survivors is important to our civic, national, intellectual and spiritual identities. Volunteer Positive signifies a movement in the global consciousness of HIV+ people stressing the visibility, agency, and the self worth of each member of our community.
 
As a survivor, I have a unique opportunity to impact the suffering for others. I think often of those who passed away without the chance to answer this call to action and believe it was their courage and sacrifices that allowed me to live well today.  Please come along with me. The world is waiting.